Random Thoughts 

I never thought about suicide, N-E-V-E-R. The reason why I am saying this is because most of my friends think about it a lot. When they get hurt in the littlest of ways, they think about taking their own life. When they have a problem, they think about hurting themselves, even though their problem has an easy solution. I have a friend, and his girlfriend just broke up with him, and he suddenly wants to kill himself. First of all, do they think that it’s actually cool to broadcast it to the world that you want to kill yourself? Second, were you really that hurt and weak to actually want to take your own life, or were you just being overly dramatic? Don’t get me wrong, I know suicide is serious, and you never really know when a person could just crack and take away their own life. 

As I said, I never thought about suicide. No matter how big my problem was, I never thought of it. What I really thought about…is death. I’ve never given so much thought on how I would die, accident, sickness, old age, murder, never thought of it, but I think about the people I love. What would they say when I die? will they say good things about me? will they say that I was a smart girl? beautiful? friendly? caring? things they never really told me now that I am still alive. What would they feel? would they feel sad? guilty for not trying to be close with me? guilty for not saying the things they should have told me? or would they feel relieved? will my friends miss me? I know my family would, but would my friends? because now that I’m still alive and well, not one of my friends ever says that they miss me when we haven’t seen eachother for a long time. It’s not that I want to die just to know what people will say about me when I’m gone. Maybe I just want to run away for awhile to know who will miss me and who would cry over me, and who would wish that I never come back. 

Why am I thinking this? because right now I feel unappreciated. I do things, nice things, for my friends, and I feel that they don’t appreciate it. I feel that it’s still not enough, because they don’t tell me that they appreciate the things I do for them. So now I’m thinking, when I’m gone, would they finally appreciate the little things I do for them? 

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